Relationship break-ups

Now-a-days where everyone is trying to cope up with demanding work life, relationship break-ups make the life more unbearable. It is always painful if a marriage or a significant relation ends. The breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. It actually take sometime to recover from it, but once you recover you realize that you have grown stronger and wiser. Sometime people go into depression disorder due to such break-up and lose their self-esteem. But the reality is that life goes on and one cannot effort to sit ideal and get addicted to those painful emotions. Here I will discuss some possibilities of coping strategies during those feelings-

• New Planning: After break up every thing changes including your priorities and suddenly you  become uncertain about your future as you have to rethink your future. Here is a scope to plan a new future where you set some very positive priorities, like a desired job, re-Union with some good old friends, restart doing some old hobby or interest.
• Take it naturally: Take the feelings very naturally as those feelings are natural. Don't get crazy for those feelings. For example it is quite natural to feel depressed after a big financial loss. So a matured relation break-up is also a loss, and it is very natural to feel all short of bad feeling.
• Talking your feeling: Talking about your feeling to someone you trust is very very useful. If the person to whom you share your feeling care for you then he/she will emotionally support you and wll give unconditional comfort to you.
• Keep your self busy: Keeping busy in work will divert your mind directly. It is better to take interest in your work and keep yourself busy to achieve a certain goal.
• Make friends: Make new friends and create a meaningful friend circle is always better. Make some effort to make some new friends and meet new peoples.

 You’ll need to be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behavior, including the reasons why you chose your former partner, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong and make better choices next time.

Writting your emotions

Writing once emotions in a paper always give a clear picture of how rationally one is thinking. Writing down deep painful emotions is one the tool psychologist use while treating a depressed or emotionally troubled person. To get benefit it is best to develop the habit of writing diary. It will help you to keep record of all high and low emotions one is experiencing on daily basis, It also help one to realize the source of their emotions.
Sometime try to take one emotion which is troubling you and pen down it in a paper like how you are feeling, why you are feeling, is it a right feeling, whats going through your mind while you are feeling like this etc. After the session I bet your strong feeling will be lighten.
So its a good idea to maintain a diary and after sometime you will find that diary will become your best friend. You eventually trust your diary more then any one.

Money and Happiness

Does money bring happiness?
Many people says money can't buy happiness. But I say money is the biggest source of happiness in today's world. Then why people says money can't buy happiness, its because money is a power and must be spend in a constructive way not in a destructive way. If one win  a lottery and spend money for the gratification of his pleasure like drinking, 5 star life style or rather on his wildest dream then really money can bring misery as after few days he will be in debt. Again If someone become possessive about their money that also bring misery. Say every person who are your good friends or relative ask you for money when in problem then is course of time you will become anti-social.

Again if one spend money for those who really need it like poor children that act also give one lasting happiness. Sometime leisure is expected if one have excess money, but one must be careful as excess of everything is bad.

Its always better to be rich then poor. But how you spend it actually determine how much happiness you can buy.

Type of Personality

First let us discuss two type of personality we find normally:

1. Proactive
2. Reactive  

And both of them are very extreme character. Proactive peoples think less before doing something, they don't have the patience to plan, estimate or predict a plan of action in detail. They just do the things which appeal them. They take risk and think out of the box. So they become rich in very short period of time and also can lose money very quickly. They can actually initiate a big concept.

Reactive people wait for other to initiate and when the situation is right they act. They want to fully understand and asses before they act. They take lots of time waiting. Some people may get upset as they take so much of time to get start. They are good analyst.

Body Language of Proactive People

• Sign of impatient
• Speak quickly
• Pencil Tapping
• Inability to sit for a long time

Body Language of Reactive People

• Have the worlds patience
• Generally speaks in an slowly
• Can sit for a long time

Distribution

Percentage of Proactive and reactive people in the society

Proactive People-15-20%

Reactive People-15-20%

Equally Proactive and Reactive-65-70%

A proactive person are good for sales job. A reactive person is good at accounting job.


Another two type of persons that can be categorized are:

• Towards
• Away from

 A towards type people are generally stay focused towards their goal. They think towards the goal to be achieved. They are motivated to have, attain, achieve etc. Because of their concentration towards their goal they are good at managing priorities.
An Away From people are generally keeps himself away from trouble. Very less goal oriented and lives only for pleasure. They are motivated to do a certain work only when they feel threat. A sales man only works when he feels threat of losing his work.

Body language of towards people

• Good listener 
• Head Nodding
• Gestures of inclusion

Body Language of away from people

• Arms indicating that something is to be avoided
• Don't listen carefully (generally listen to a sentence after the words because)
• Gesture of exclusion
• Avoid or delay problematic situation

Percentage of towards and away from persons in society:

• 40% Towards
• 40% Away from
• 20 % equally towards and away from 

Decision

Decisions are the hardest thing on earth to make as the consequences of which you can expect but can never predict. One decision can actually change once life for good. But we actually have to make decision every day may it be very small or very big. Again decision must be in proper time, as some time good decision can turned into bad one due to improper timing. 

A decision is something which must be taken with lots of understanding which will create a deep believes on your own decision. If you don’t believe on a particular set of action then don’t take decision to implement it.  You can take the example of Gandhi who believed in non-violence against all the odds but we know the impact this action. Infect Gandhi became the discoverer of non-violent revolution.

While you take a decision you must have educate information on the matter. Don’t express your decision to everyone as advices are the cheapest commodity in this earth. And every one will be ready with a new advice which will be enough to dis-courage you or confuse you towards your decision. Most people who pretend to know everything about the matter of your plan of action are actually the one who knows very less about the subject.  So it’s better to discuss the with peoples without conveying them the purpose of your query just show your casual attitude as if your are discussing it just for your knowledge sake.

While taking the decision one must be ready for every possible consequence. As our freedom fighter while taking the decision to dedicate their whole life for freedom fighting, they know they are actually signing the death warrant. If they get success then they will be heroes and if they fail then death is surely waiting for them.  

Fear

Fear is always for the future, at present no one fears about anything. General fears are healthy and keeps people alert. Say your exam is near then you will study more for the fear of not getting good marks. 

But if fear is persistent in your head it became the most destructive force in any ones life. Fear makes people perceive in a differently or rather negatively all situation in life.

There are basically four types of fear and they are:

1. Fear of poverty: Now a days most common fear are of losing job and thus fear of poverty comes in mind. But until we are working for prosperity we can never go into poverty. If we work hard there is no one who can fire you from job, if they do then remember the job don't deserve you
2. Fear of criticism: The feeling sometime hijack our mind that what other people will think about me if I do this or do that. This type of Automatic Negative Thought (ANT) is very unreal and can create social phobia in your mind which will manipulate your thinking in a negative way. Its always better to do every work for yourself rather then satisfying others. Just think that no body is having enough time to evaluate you and everyone is busy with themselves.
3. Fear of ill health: This fear generally comes to our mind when we personally experience the rock bottom of our heath, may be because of our negligence towards our health, taking too much of alcohol, or if someone meet a terrible accident. Actually this is the time when we realise the value of our life. Sometime we call it post troma stress. This fear is very natural and can do better to your health. But as we know too much of every thing is bad, so if the fear is too much and dominating your life then one must have to give educate consideration towards it. In such a situation its always better to think positive that with time my health will be better and I will be back to normal again.
4. Fear of lose of loved one: This fear is directly influenced by attachment towards someone. It may be your mother, father, brother or sister. These fear is generally relate to physical lose (death). But if you fear to lose your lover emotionally then it become the most dominating one. In today's world where life is so demanding that relationship crisis is a common thing. Best way is to make your self understand and decrease your attachment towards your love. As change is the only certain thing in life so our love also changes with everyday reality.

 So fear is not real. Do one thing write all your fears in a peace of paper today and again open it say one year after and you will find that 90% of the thing you feared never actually happened. So there don't fear anything in the world and live life to the fullest.

Brain

Scientist didn't find any heart which can feel its the brain which make it feel, there is no mind which is calm its the brain which can calm. And now the research shows brain is ever changeable scientist call it Brain Plasticity. So that means we can train our brain for anything as it keeps on changing over the time.
There is a part in our brain called amygdala which in high stress situation creates a fight or fly feeling in us. Say suddenly you find a Tiger in front of you then you will feel horrified, this feeling is called fight or fly response. Now it generally passed away as soon as the situation is over. But now a days as we remain in high stress whole day long due to many reasons like job, finance, relationship etc. And slowly we become habbituated to this feeling and we start feeling those as a natural feeling. So now a days people are facing mental problem like frequent panic attack, short breathlessness, tensed muscle and so on. Infect research shows high stress causes speedy aging and high mortality chances.

Some of the steps I must suggest to keep our brain healthy are:

• Use guided hypnosis for relaxation, you will find lots of free Mp3 for guided hypnosis. Its really works well
• Try Mindful meditation. 
• When you feel too much tensed then just concentrate on breathing
• Mediate for long time it increase serotonin production in brain
• Keep yourself away from too much attachment to a person or thing
• Always ask the question to yourself 'what if?'

 If you try all this and still you feel anxious for stress then go to doctor. Its very important to consult a doctor during early signals before it becomes cronic.

Organising

Just imagine that you went for cooking and you find no ingredient in place, then don;t you think cooking will be a difficult thing to do. You are going for an job interview and you are not finding your CV and photo. So organizing is a activity that every one need to do to find every thing near your hand. If you do organizing your all important work in day to day activities then your mind will also become organized. For organising its always better to find a system and follow the system religiously.
So organizing means systematic arrangement of works or activities. Only a organised thing can take a big shape so we call Microsoft an organisation.
Some tips of organizing:

• Keep all the required items or information near you
• Maintain a dairy is very helpful though you can do it with mobile now-a-days
• Make a easy system to follow so that everything remain organised 
• Always keep in mind organising will pay you sooner or later with unexpected rewards 

Law of Karma

There is one law of nature that every person learn and understand that there is nothing so called good result or bad result, but there is only reactions against your Past deeds. We call it Karma a word from geeta (Holy book of Hindu).
This law is for eternity and will not change. So if you work for good things like learn to sing then sometime you will learn singing, if you you study hard then you may get a good job. But if if you practice cheating then soon the reaction will be there will be no one who will be with you.
But some time we work hard but don't get the desired result why?. Its simple you will get all the deserved result but it may not be immediate. As at the time we are expecting the result of good things we are actually getting the reactions of the deeds we have done even earlier.
Again we sometime get the reactions of our parents. Say your father tortured your mother for a long period of time then there is a chance that you may lose your love in your life. It only happens when your father will die before he receives the reactions of his deeds.
And if your parents earned lots of wealth during their life time then there is a chance that you will get the benefit of their fortune and vice versa will be the fact if your father leaves you with lots of debt.


 So do things carefully knowing that every actions of yours will have opposite and equal reactions
 

Wisdom

 The biggest wisdom that human being should know is the law that nothing in the world is permanent and what ever you see around you seems will last for ever will change. If you deeply understand this law then you can easily remain calm and composed in difficult times, as you know this difficulties are temporary. This law also teach us directly that we should not be attached to anything or person as all good things comes to an end.

Goal

If you don't have a definite goal in life then there is a great risk that you will fail in achieving all you could have achieved. Sometime its better to sit quietly and set your goal in a piece of paper and what are the best suitable ways of achieving those goal ( While doing this don't get to much attached to the goal b'coz later you may feel the pressure of achieving the goal or will feel shattered if you can't achieve the goal). After you actually determine the goal your mind will automatically be tuned and will work towards the achievement of that goal. Again set a measurable,achievable and very specific goal with a definite time frame.
Setting a long-term goal is good but short term goal can give you a necessary boost if you can achieve those short term goals. And don't think too much about long term goal as it can distract you from your present work.
One goal must have those qualities:

• Must be specific
• Must be realistic
• Must be measurable
• Must be challenging
• And must have deadlines

 Short term goal Vs Long Term Goal

I recommend that you always have at least one short-term and one long-term goal at any given time. Short-term goals are usually simpler and easier than long-term. Setting them helps assure that you'll have frequent victories, building a strong track record and momentum with each one you complete.

Long-term goals (two years or longer) keep you headed in the right direction and can provide a sense of greater purpose, not to mention something exciting to work toward.

     Note: Please don't forget that Piece of paper because you can call it a magic paper...

Emotions

The first emotion any person want to have is happiness and we do all the works in life is to be directly or indirectly happy. So no one wants to be sad. How to tune a person to have a happy emotion? nothing just one word attitude. Attitude to be happy and work for happiness.
 Another thing that can keep a person away from sadness is 'detachment'.Say if you are too attached to your job and suddenly you lose the job then you will feel depress, but if you keep in your mind the ultimate reality that nothing is permanent including this job then you won't feel too much depressed for losing the job.
Again one must have a clear idea about good emotions and bad emotions. Want to have a alcohol is a emotion which a drunker justified as good but we know its a bad emotion. A depressed patient may feel depression is a natural all time state of mind but we know its not. So one must be very alert about his/her emotions and feeling.
One must understand emotions very well so that we can tame our emotions to a certain extent. Emotions are generally the main factors that drive us to achieve something and also destroy us beyond expectation.
In todays world where every one is running after success and money, where every channel of TV manipulate our needs and want, where we are basically in a all time illusive state of mind it become more and more important to check out emotional mind over and over. As we are seeing more mental disorder then ever before due to high stressed life actually we need to rethink about our social structure very seriously.

Character

Characters are actually set of belief that a person execute in daily life. So this character actually gives your behavior a shape and attitude. So don't act honestly for the sake of making people believe in you, rather you must believe in honesty and then you act honestly. Again if you are a businessman believe in honesty and want to give customer quality product then its a character that will have good result in your future. Again businessman must believe in profit also so don't compromise with your profit making. If you are a job holder then do your work honestly, expect desired salary in return and if you are not getting the desired salary the don't get anxious just believe in Karma and a deserved job is waiting for you in your near future.

Some of the pillars of good character are:

• Trustworthy: The most important element in character. Honesty, reputation, fulfill commitment to others, fight for the right things.
• Responsibility: At least take the responsibility of those who are directly dependable on you.
• Positive: Look at the positive side of every challenging situation and find the way out.
• Patience: Have patience for every result in life. 
• Caring: Care for every one around you as it cost nothing but worth many-thing.

So make your character and creates value in your characters.

Love

Love is the biggest illusion in the face of this earth. Its nothing but attachment and this attachment is so big that one is ready to play with his or her existence and no one can actually help it. Now if love can bring happiness in life? yes it could but only if the other person also love you back with his or her existence. There is a saying that the person who is more indifferent towards a love relation is the most powerful among the two, but this love will never bring happiness in this world. So if you love someone then always keep in mind that does the other person deserve the emotion you are actually spending on the person.
Remember nothing is more important then your suffering and so if a relation which is capable of making you suffer then does it worth for your time and attention.Though people says love happens naturally but don't you think before its too late its better to judge pros and cons of the relation as it will play a major part of your future life.

Stress

Generally stress means too much of work and thinking. That means all those who are busy are stressed, no its not true as everyone in this world now a days is doing more then their ability and pushing them self beyond their limit. Then who are stressed- its those people who are doing work with a anxious, uncertain or depressed mind. To see the difference you can go out for a picnic and do all the works by yourself with your buddy's and at the end of the day you will be at best become tired but not stressed. So how to achieve that so called stress free mind, simple do all the work you really like but with just one element keeping out of your mind and that is expectation. If you expect then you will be anxious about the future result, then cloud of uncertainty will grasp you and if you can't get the expected thing then you will be depressed.

Happiness

Just guess who is the most happy people in this earth, and you don't need to be a rocket scientist to guess it, its the people who don't think about their future. And its quite apparent that we cant be happy in the midst of uncertainty. And this uncertainty may be for your job, relationship, health etc. Now here comes the rule of karma. Say in your early age you have neglected your health and now your are having health problem, you took a relationship for grunted and now there is a crisis, you neglected your study and now you are facing problem in getting a stable job. Now if anyone is facing some kind of uncertainty then the only scope is to do things that can stabilize this uncertainty in future. That means today karma will effect your future. So to be happy always try to the things that will bring good things in future and you feel good.
Again no modern technology can bring you happiness until you find the inner contentment. How to get this contentment, only by inner development and  by inner development means something other than mastering the latest version of Microsoft Word. Its about cleaning up our mental environment so that real happiness can be both uncovered and sustained.
We have a peculiar relationship to happiness. On the one hand, we consider happiness a right, and we are eager for it, as the advertising world knows. We do everything in our power to try to possess it, most particularly in materialistic form.
Happiness is not a hobby or a pursuit, but its a basic drive like sex and aggression. So you can't find happiness as its already a part of your mental state. To get happiness we must understand the very basic concept of difference between pleasure and happiness. We often misinterpret pleasure as happiness. Getting the latest I-Phone will give you pleasure but not lasted happiness. Infect most of the pleasure giving things are actually are the main source of misery.
We must also learn to except the ultimate reality that nothing is permanent in life. Not the present situation, nor will be the feature situation. So all the good situation and bad one will passed away. Don't get carried away with good fortune and don't get too much depressed in bad time as they all will passed away. In one word don't get attached with a particular situation.

Suffering

There is no big suffering in the world then attachment to a thing or a person. Actually attachment oppose the biggest rule of nature that is 'nothing is permanent in the world' and if you are attached to something or someone then there is  a great chance that you are going to suffer.  Now at the same time you cannot detached a mother from her child, musician from his music and so on. So the coolest thing to do is attached to any one/thing but keeping in mind that you may lose this person or thing in future. 

Learning

                   Learning means gathering authentic information from any authentic source. Now due to internet which is growing every second with tons of information and we would be foolish not to reap the information and synthesize it in our brain. Infect you can educate yourself in a week more then you could have done in one year in a subject say ten years before. Always remember until you are the best in the world you actually know nothing about the subject so keep educating yourself all the time.
                   Make yourself informed everyday by spending some time about your area of interest in internet to find the latest newsletters published by different institute and web site.
                  Again remember knowledge must not be in theory only. If you can't use your knowledge piratically then learning become meaningless. As learning means quantitative increase in knowledge and storing it in your memory, but it must be reproduced in the time of need and must be applied piratically.
                  Also remember learning brings behavioral change in a person in a desired direction and help you develop person as a whole. It also do cognitive restructuring in your brain which ultimately effect your gen. That means you can genetically transfer your developed cognitive structure to your next generation i.e your offspring.