Relationship break-ups

Now-a-days where everyone is trying to cope up with demanding work life, relationship break-ups make the life more unbearable. It is always painful if a marriage or a significant relation ends. The breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. It actually take sometime to recover from it, but once you recover you realize that you have grown stronger and wiser. Sometime people go into depression disorder due to such break-up and lose their self-esteem. But the reality is that life goes on and one cannot effort to sit ideal and get addicted to those painful emotions. Here I will discuss some possibilities of coping strategies during those feelings-

• New Planning: After break up every thing changes including your priorities and suddenly you  become uncertain about your future as you have to rethink your future. Here is a scope to plan a new future where you set some very positive priorities, like a desired job, re-Union with some good old friends, restart doing some old hobby or interest.
• Take it naturally: Take the feelings very naturally as those feelings are natural. Don't get crazy for those feelings. For example it is quite natural to feel depressed after a big financial loss. So a matured relation break-up is also a loss, and it is very natural to feel all short of bad feeling.
• Talking your feeling: Talking about your feeling to someone you trust is very very useful. If the person to whom you share your feeling care for you then he/she will emotionally support you and wll give unconditional comfort to you.
• Keep your self busy: Keeping busy in work will divert your mind directly. It is better to take interest in your work and keep yourself busy to achieve a certain goal.
• Make friends: Make new friends and create a meaningful friend circle is always better. Make some effort to make some new friends and meet new peoples.

 You’ll need to be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behavior, including the reasons why you chose your former partner, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong and make better choices next time.

Writting your emotions

Writing once emotions in a paper always give a clear picture of how rationally one is thinking. Writing down deep painful emotions is one the tool psychologist use while treating a depressed or emotionally troubled person. To get benefit it is best to develop the habit of writing diary. It will help you to keep record of all high and low emotions one is experiencing on daily basis, It also help one to realize the source of their emotions.
Sometime try to take one emotion which is troubling you and pen down it in a paper like how you are feeling, why you are feeling, is it a right feeling, whats going through your mind while you are feeling like this etc. After the session I bet your strong feeling will be lighten.
So its a good idea to maintain a diary and after sometime you will find that diary will become your best friend. You eventually trust your diary more then any one.

Money and Happiness

Does money bring happiness?
Many people says money can't buy happiness. But I say money is the biggest source of happiness in today's world. Then why people says money can't buy happiness, its because money is a power and must be spend in a constructive way not in a destructive way. If one win  a lottery and spend money for the gratification of his pleasure like drinking, 5 star life style or rather on his wildest dream then really money can bring misery as after few days he will be in debt. Again If someone become possessive about their money that also bring misery. Say every person who are your good friends or relative ask you for money when in problem then is course of time you will become anti-social.

Again if one spend money for those who really need it like poor children that act also give one lasting happiness. Sometime leisure is expected if one have excess money, but one must be careful as excess of everything is bad.

Its always better to be rich then poor. But how you spend it actually determine how much happiness you can buy.

Type of Personality

First let us discuss two type of personality we find normally:

1. Proactive
2. Reactive  

And both of them are very extreme character. Proactive peoples think less before doing something, they don't have the patience to plan, estimate or predict a plan of action in detail. They just do the things which appeal them. They take risk and think out of the box. So they become rich in very short period of time and also can lose money very quickly. They can actually initiate a big concept.

Reactive people wait for other to initiate and when the situation is right they act. They want to fully understand and asses before they act. They take lots of time waiting. Some people may get upset as they take so much of time to get start. They are good analyst.

Body Language of Proactive People

• Sign of impatient
• Speak quickly
• Pencil Tapping
• Inability to sit for a long time

Body Language of Reactive People

• Have the worlds patience
• Generally speaks in an slowly
• Can sit for a long time

Distribution

Percentage of Proactive and reactive people in the society

Proactive People-15-20%

Reactive People-15-20%

Equally Proactive and Reactive-65-70%

A proactive person are good for sales job. A reactive person is good at accounting job.


Another two type of persons that can be categorized are:

• Towards
• Away from

 A towards type people are generally stay focused towards their goal. They think towards the goal to be achieved. They are motivated to have, attain, achieve etc. Because of their concentration towards their goal they are good at managing priorities.
An Away From people are generally keeps himself away from trouble. Very less goal oriented and lives only for pleasure. They are motivated to do a certain work only when they feel threat. A sales man only works when he feels threat of losing his work.

Body language of towards people

• Good listener 
• Head Nodding
• Gestures of inclusion

Body Language of away from people

• Arms indicating that something is to be avoided
• Don't listen carefully (generally listen to a sentence after the words because)
• Gesture of exclusion
• Avoid or delay problematic situation

Percentage of towards and away from persons in society:

• 40% Towards
• 40% Away from
• 20 % equally towards and away from 

Decision

Decisions are the hardest thing on earth to make as the consequences of which you can expect but can never predict. One decision can actually change once life for good. But we actually have to make decision every day may it be very small or very big. Again decision must be in proper time, as some time good decision can turned into bad one due to improper timing. 

A decision is something which must be taken with lots of understanding which will create a deep believes on your own decision. If you don’t believe on a particular set of action then don’t take decision to implement it.  You can take the example of Gandhi who believed in non-violence against all the odds but we know the impact this action. Infect Gandhi became the discoverer of non-violent revolution.

While you take a decision you must have educate information on the matter. Don’t express your decision to everyone as advices are the cheapest commodity in this earth. And every one will be ready with a new advice which will be enough to dis-courage you or confuse you towards your decision. Most people who pretend to know everything about the matter of your plan of action are actually the one who knows very less about the subject.  So it’s better to discuss the with peoples without conveying them the purpose of your query just show your casual attitude as if your are discussing it just for your knowledge sake.

While taking the decision one must be ready for every possible consequence. As our freedom fighter while taking the decision to dedicate their whole life for freedom fighting, they know they are actually signing the death warrant. If they get success then they will be heroes and if they fail then death is surely waiting for them.  

Fear

Fear is always for the future, at present no one fears about anything. General fears are healthy and keeps people alert. Say your exam is near then you will study more for the fear of not getting good marks. 

But if fear is persistent in your head it became the most destructive force in any ones life. Fear makes people perceive in a differently or rather negatively all situation in life.

There are basically four types of fear and they are:

1. Fear of poverty: Now a days most common fear are of losing job and thus fear of poverty comes in mind. But until we are working for prosperity we can never go into poverty. If we work hard there is no one who can fire you from job, if they do then remember the job don't deserve you
2. Fear of criticism: The feeling sometime hijack our mind that what other people will think about me if I do this or do that. This type of Automatic Negative Thought (ANT) is very unreal and can create social phobia in your mind which will manipulate your thinking in a negative way. Its always better to do every work for yourself rather then satisfying others. Just think that no body is having enough time to evaluate you and everyone is busy with themselves.
3. Fear of ill health: This fear generally comes to our mind when we personally experience the rock bottom of our heath, may be because of our negligence towards our health, taking too much of alcohol, or if someone meet a terrible accident. Actually this is the time when we realise the value of our life. Sometime we call it post troma stress. This fear is very natural and can do better to your health. But as we know too much of every thing is bad, so if the fear is too much and dominating your life then one must have to give educate consideration towards it. In such a situation its always better to think positive that with time my health will be better and I will be back to normal again.
4. Fear of lose of loved one: This fear is directly influenced by attachment towards someone. It may be your mother, father, brother or sister. These fear is generally relate to physical lose (death). But if you fear to lose your lover emotionally then it become the most dominating one. In today's world where life is so demanding that relationship crisis is a common thing. Best way is to make your self understand and decrease your attachment towards your love. As change is the only certain thing in life so our love also changes with everyday reality.

 So fear is not real. Do one thing write all your fears in a peace of paper today and again open it say one year after and you will find that 90% of the thing you feared never actually happened. So there don't fear anything in the world and live life to the fullest.

Brain

Scientist didn't find any heart which can feel its the brain which make it feel, there is no mind which is calm its the brain which can calm. And now the research shows brain is ever changeable scientist call it Brain Plasticity. So that means we can train our brain for anything as it keeps on changing over the time.
There is a part in our brain called amygdala which in high stress situation creates a fight or fly feeling in us. Say suddenly you find a Tiger in front of you then you will feel horrified, this feeling is called fight or fly response. Now it generally passed away as soon as the situation is over. But now a days as we remain in high stress whole day long due to many reasons like job, finance, relationship etc. And slowly we become habbituated to this feeling and we start feeling those as a natural feeling. So now a days people are facing mental problem like frequent panic attack, short breathlessness, tensed muscle and so on. Infect research shows high stress causes speedy aging and high mortality chances.

Some of the steps I must suggest to keep our brain healthy are:

• Use guided hypnosis for relaxation, you will find lots of free Mp3 for guided hypnosis. Its really works well
• Try Mindful meditation. 
• When you feel too much tensed then just concentrate on breathing
• Mediate for long time it increase serotonin production in brain
• Keep yourself away from too much attachment to a person or thing
• Always ask the question to yourself 'what if?'

 If you try all this and still you feel anxious for stress then go to doctor. Its very important to consult a doctor during early signals before it becomes cronic.